Lesson #13

If your name is Dog, I'm going to have a really hard time getting past that.

Don't use nicknames on your profile.

Lesson #12

Don't post so many pictures of yourself with other people. It's a lot harder to figure out which person is you if we're distracted by everyone else in the pictures.

Lesson #11

Dating, in its purest form, is hard work. Online dating, in its most rudimentary form, is 1,000,000 times harder work. Honestly, you might want to a hire an assistant to keep up with it all. And if you don't have the time to date in real life, you definitely don't have time to date over the internets.

Lesson #10

This applies to the various online dating services available: if you have levels of communication involved in the process, maybe name them something other than "Stages 1-4". Stage 4 just sounds like a cancer.

Lesson #9

Some guys are just better on paper.

Lesson #8

If you decide to meet up in person, always, ALWAYS have a good friend on standby in case something goes horribly awry.

Lesson #7

If a guy doesn't pay for your drinks on the first date/meet up/whatever you want to call it, he's doing it wrong.

Lesson #6

You know that picture of you and an attractive member of the opposite sex? No matter how much you lead people to believe it is a relative; it will always be assumed that it is a picture of you and an ex. No, really.

Unless the picture is clearly of you and your parent(s), don't include it in your profile.

Lesson #5

Waiting for the guy you've been emailing back and forth to call you doesn't work if you forgot to give him your number.

No joke, this has happened.

Lesson #4

You should not emphatically state how much you love to work out when your pictures clearly indicate otherwise.

Just be honest! The right person will love you for you.

Lesson #3

Yes, it is a little awkward when you see you've been matched with someone you kind of already know. Don't feel obligated to start talking to them but don't shy away from it either. That slight familiarity with each other might serve you well.

Lesson #2

Be authentic with the leisure activities you list on your profile. It is not humanly possible that every guy in America actually loves being outdoors. Really, it's not. At the very least, mention the occasional video game session.

You're not fooling anyone with those pictures of you on the side on a snow-covered mountain. So the next time you're in a marathon Call of Duty session, have a friend snap a picture so you can post that to your profile too.

Lesson #1

A picture of a guy with a kitten asleep under his chin should not be immediately followed by a picture of that same guy in hockey goalie gear.

Guys, this is confusing. Cut it out.